Like a Fine Wine… All over my Living Room Floor

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wine-quotes-keep-calm-and-drink-wine-2012It happens about once every three months. Everything’s going well, we’re sitting around on the couch, eating cheese and hummus, drinking red-wine and watching some random nothingness on television. It’s usually a Sunday, it’s calm, it’s quiet, it’s… almost perfect and then BANG! “Sh*t sh*t fu*k sh*t get the paper towel get the paper towel!”… “I’ll grab the soda-water you get the paper-towel!”  The red wine’s like a black hawk down and somehow in managed to annihilate the fabric ottoman, the designer cushion and my tracksuit pants before hitting the beige carpet. Always beige (must do something about that). The hysteria usually graduates into some heated conversation about the best method of extraction, “dab don’t run!” and “go from the edges and work your way in!”. Either way, it’s fair to say the calmness that was the evening is irretrievable.


We’re notorious for spilling our red wine. On clothes, on carpet, on everything. I recently took my boyfriend’s cream dinner suit jacket into the drycleaner (I had never been to this particular dry cleaner before) and they said to me, “Is it Casson or is it McLaughlin?” I was like WTF how do they know my boyfriend’s surname is Casson… they said “we have two customers who do this, Casson or McLaughlin, it has to be one of them. Tell us so we can put it in the system”. Wow, what a corker.


Anyway, it doesn’t seem like our skills in maintaining an upright glass are coming along anytime soon so best be prepped with a fix-it-first list instead;


1) Stemless wine glasses. These really are a no-brainer for any time you’re drinking vino away from a table setting. On my math they save you from a tip-over situation around 33.3% of the time. Riedel even have these new ones with a little extra ‘shape’ to them, which I’m sure are as effective in grippage as the novelty visual appeal. Kind of like a modern day sippy-cup for tipsy adults, love it.


2) The right carpet. According to my newsfeed, most of you reading this are either renovating a house, buying a house, thinking about escaping your tiny house or over your house. Make a stress-saving call when deciding on carpet with something like Stainmaster carpet that is a bit of a game changer for this sort of thing (my brother is a carpet-layer, go figure)… and will save you those fully hysterical ‘the carpet is ruined!’ moments.


3) Drink white.



Cheers to a merry festive season, may your evenings be full of cheese and wine in your mouths and off the floor J


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